singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
Ahhh, beer. My second favorite breakfast drink.
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