i feel like arbor mist is too classy for that. you need a colt 45
Yeah you're right. The one time when arbor mist is too classy
One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
Maybe I should forgo underwear.
This is a family BBQ no?
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
That makes sense.. A good Bj is a trump card in any argument
Randomize
