brb k???!! plz don't leave i want 2 tlk bout r rltnshp
I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
get back quick. that 17 year old who peed on your car wants to do shots.
You remember that guy i fucked in Ireland who stopped in the middle to talk about why he had 8 pillows on his bed? Yeah he's following me on twitter...
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.
I told him i turn boys gay hoping that would scare him off. Finally i found a way to take advantage of my disability.
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
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