Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
I miss the days when all my weekends consisted of were 69 and crunchwraps
oh yea it is. i was not expecting to look at a snowbank and just see flying mushrooms
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
I'll always be here to give you immoral support.
Daquari drive throughs 24 hours a day. LORD HAVE MERCY
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
At least you got some excitement going on, you got weed and might die tonight, I'm just sitting here bored as fuck.
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
Randomize
