I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
it was really awkward, he kept trying to get on the bed with us and we kept having to kick him back on the floor.
just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
Maybe is for pussies. We only say yes in this household
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
YOU TOOK A FUCKING SNAP OF ME TRYING TO PEE! I'M GOING TO FUCK YOU WITH THE BUSINESS END OF A RUTED RAKE!
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
All the movies on cable here are either porn or Bollywood. I am never leaving this hotel.
I threw up all of my purple drank and thats really important
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