I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
Like many of my risky ideas this has "burned genitals" written all over it
okay. so this hammed chick got arrested and she keeps trying to make out with the cop. i like her style.
All I know is that either you or I told a black guy that he looked like usher and he was sexy and that is our confession
You gotta pick a side. My suggestion: side with tits.
I just got head while watching air force one. Harrison ford would be proud.
IF WE WERE REALLY BEST FRIENDS FOREVER YOU GUYS WOULD AGREE TO A WATCHING A PORNO PARTY
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
I have need of you to return home with haste, as I require the magical capsules you possess to relieve the posterior pain I am living. I battle this demon with stubborn grit, however I feel that defeat is on the horizon.
Randomize
