Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
He took naked pictures of me and told me if I ever got to the Disney Channel level of fame he would help me out. I think i'm in love
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
is it bad i banged a 25yr kindergarten teacher last night?
No thats like a top 10
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
there are ass prints on the hood of my car.
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
The only word that describes how much hair I shaved off of my ass is "considerable".
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
If by fun you mean, did I meet her cousin for the.first time and bang him, then yes it was a productive evening.
I basically spent the entire weekend in bed with that red head.Every time I tried to leave she got me too horny to think straight. I was kidnapped by vagina
Randomize