What do they do with the elephants that die at the zoo
Cremation, why do you ask?
I think we have a bit of a problem
i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
How long do you need to date somebody until it is acceptable to fart in their presence?
The real question is how long do you need to date them to dutch oven them?
i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
Wow, being the totally hot and slutty looking 30 year old lady on the dance floor does NOT necessarily mean that she has skills in bed.
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
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