the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
im getting my college education on yahoo answers.
I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
DONT LET HIM GET NAKED. JUST SAY NO
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
I've now fucked in every motel room in this small town.
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
My Uber driver last night was driving a taxi and tried to charge me fare.
You didn't get in your Uber because your ex was driving, that was a legitimate taxi.
Is it bad that I like to have a guy to flirt with in every class? I feel like it's excellent motivation: to shave, to shower and to show up.
Randomize
