1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
dude chill. it wont be anything like your seventh grade birthday party.
I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
So does it count as really great road-head if he ran over 3 mailboxes before realizing he was off the road?
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
When i said i was brazilian i swear to god he started to tear up
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
Just got back from a Walmart run. The music went straight from Kid Rock to John Phillip Souza. If that doesn't scream 'MURICA I don't know what will. Happy 4th!
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