when i spit it made a heart shape. i think it's a sign
Well technically because of daylight savings, I only lasted 15 mintues.
I know. I know. The man who pulled me from my mother's womb was the same man who had his fingers in my vagina today. My life is a joke. I don't know how to feel about this.
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
Guess who just sucked off 1/5 of one direction?
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
she was concerned about my dick piercings.
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
I'm committing myself to dance. Also, I'm unsure if you said space party sounded lame because dude was old, but I hope you're over it because I love space, and I love David Bowie and I love to dance, and you need to embrace this with me.
She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
Randomize
