i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
I just feel like a girl who's never eaten a pb&j probably doesn't swallow
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
Everyone loves nachos, first of all. Second, Ke$ha is entirely appropriate for the age grou too young to realize she probably has Hep C.
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
What happened last night? I'm too scared to get out of bed and see the destruction.
First of all, check to see if that naked guy is still alive. He didn't look to be breathing when I left
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
someone found a bottle of whiskey in the bushes this morning when they were cleaning before an admissions event. i'm 95% sure it's mine..
Randomize
