So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
I love Welcome Back Week...No I wont accept your god but i will accept that hot dog
I just showed my tits to my brother on chatroulette. Could my life get any worse?
I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
the bartender cut u off when u asked him for his screename so u could IM him later
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
Dude he downed 9 shots of tequila, sang bohemian rhapsody with 3 randoms Wayne's world style, solo'd closing time, chased the hot bartender's dog all the way to main, tackled him, carried him back, hot bar tender hugged AND kissed him, then he does a jumping heel click and leaps into my car through the window. Next rounds free at the yeti. Needless to say your little brother is a tequila god.
Basically.
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
dude. i woke up on a random lawn wearing only my boxers, with all my clothes hung in the branches of a nearby tree... no more shrooms
Is that strawberry winking at me??
He's a downgrade and it was quick. But it was dick nonetheless.
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