And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
Just got the American Express annual summary for 2009. The amount of bars we visited last year is impressive.
a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
Don't they also have a lot of serious head injuries?
I didn't say I wanted to marry one of them. Or that I want one to perform surgery on me. I just want to have hot, dirty, MMA style sex.
Does it qualify as sexting if you're both pretending to be fictional characters?
I'm not sure whether to be proud of you or weirded out.
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
You'd love her. She's outspoken like us. And appreciates a big penis and a strong drink.
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
There's so many drinking games in the Olympics.
you missed out this chick was licking her paddle
Randomize
