Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
we where pretty evenly matched until he threw me through that wall
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
That idiot. I'll see him on campus and he'll try and touch me like we're friends or some shit. 1.you're ugly 2. You dropped the blunt in the pool
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
Then I did coke with my taxi driver where he then ended up paying me for the drive. You should try being a girl sometime it's super sick.
It's settled. One of us is going to bang her brother. The world demands justice and he's hot. We'll be the justice league if it were made of alcoholic whores
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
Our son just found our secret Sex Dungeon that is no longer hidden in our basement. He brought his Xbox and the TV down there he is currently sitting in the sex swing playing video games. What do I do?
Randomize
