Dude, I found out the hard way that she wipes back to front. I ate her out and had to throw up.
Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
Best moment of my life. I just got a text from some random number that said i can't wait to touch you. Her name is kiara and she had the wrong number.
Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20
I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
My god this is going to ruin whatever Vegas left of our souls...
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
Wednesday is good, I needed the head count for the orgy, caroling can happen with as few as 2 people. There will be a pinata.
For the caroling or the orgy?
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
Would the comment "Down Goes Frasier" be too inappropriate at this time?
Randomize
