let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
She stuck a Big Gulp bend-y straw up his ass to see if he could handle anal.
Ew, and?!
Well he couldn't and the deal was he had to drink something using it afterwards.
When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
Hmd? did you really just created an abbrievation for hold my dick?
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
I've never heard of anyone celebrating the holidays with a fuck buddies family before.
....I'll be expecting my trophy when I return.
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
She keeps asking if I've seen him... For the last time YES... IN MY BED LAST FRIDAY NIGHT AND THEN AGAIN SATURDAY MORNING
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
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