OMG. Drunk.
I'm so glad you fill me in on these things.
Sorry. Must've been trying to twitter.
her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
One day i'll wow you with artfully trimmed pubes.
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
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