I am really glad that on the inside of a card from your grandparents you have transcribed the rules for circle of death
Ryan Reynolds porn could be a WMD. Have a giant TV on the front of your tank, and just drive around playing it. Everyone dies of orgasm overload.
That's it. Iraq is done. Everyone dies, game over man.
he's totally gay but hes wondering what hes missing out on. Im going to show him.
no pressure.
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
Dude she looks like a female richard gere plus 400 pounds.
Shit dude that sort of wholesale destruction can't just be done at the drop of a hat
Next Halloween, remind me to find a different wingman. Walking out in your pirate costume talking like Captain Ahab while i was banging her and telling me I had to harpoon the white whale really pissed her off.
The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
There are five fire trucks here and needless to say my booty call left so come back home whenever you like
Guess who just bought an ounce of pot via Paypal, and paid for it with my airline Visa card to earn miles?
Congratulations. That business degree is finally worth every penny it cost you.
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
To describe how high he was he said, " I'm cocked out of my ape sandwich" so yes...that was some pretty good weed.
Randomize
