At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
Yea. I couldn't get a job in fast food but I can teach Americas youth. The future looks great
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
I don't see how you can turn down creme brulee and orgasms
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
WHO DOES THAT ON A TUESDAY? This is not a Drake joke, the girl doesn't turn up OR down. She doesn't do anything.
About to wash down a xan with an iced pumpkin spiced latte from starbs and I feel like I've never lived up to my stereotype so much at one time
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
He answered the door stark naked. When I called him on it he shrugged and said 'casual Friday ' Some boys can't be trusted to work from home.
Randomize
