Santa Claus winked at me two tables over at the Chinese place tonight I was almost afraid he knew "getting laid" was my Christmas wish
My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
i finally watched harry potter... a tad unrealistic if you ask me... i mean a ginger kid with 2 friends?
You put your shot glass in your waistband and then told me how convinent it was.
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
I have no idea what that means but I'm googling things just so I can watch my thumbs move
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
THIS IS NOT A LAUGHING MATTER, CAITLIN. MY PARENTS ARE FUCKING. LOUDLY.
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker
I plan on getting so intoxicated, that I think it's MY own birthday
Can I play this game?
Yeaaaaa...im super disgusted with myself lol...which is interesting, considering all of the things I have done in my life...
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