Heard at work: Get out of my face before I cuntpunch you so hard your granddaughters have miscarriages. I love my job.
I'm moving there. Get me hired.
No, drunk sperm still make babies.
can i drink enough to forget this semester even happened?
Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
I didn't ask for a picture of your soft dick.
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
I just realized I donated our bong to goodwill.. RIP Kimbo Slice
You suck, She hit so hard.
"This must be what Jayden Smith feels like all the time"
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
If it makes you feel any better they literally are drinking alcohol out of a toilet. They are serving drinks out of a nasty ass toilet...!
like when you break up with someone your virginity slowly starts to grow back & when it's done it's like ding ding ding you're ready to date again
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
You can come over but I have to warn you that it is naked Sunday.
it's okay that you two hooked up in the family bathroom at the mall.. i just pray to god you were not making a family in the family bathroom..
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