Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
Apparently senior citizens don't like that position
So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
So i was told that i peed in the sink, had sex with a pillow and banged on a washer while singing idian chants
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
I just used bulldog clips for nipple clamps. Also, a wooden spoon as a paddle. DYI Domination or Ghetto Bondage?
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
Randomize
