Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
New major. Tourism Management. I dont know what it is but it sounds like something all the stupid slutty failed business management majors do.
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
I don't even know. I woke up in the bathtub with no shirt, covered in towels holding what appeared to be vanillia pudding mixed with captain morgan.
Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"
Let me put it this way - if I had a list of things I would like between my legs, she would rank below the cello I turned into firewood sophomore year.
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
IM AT A ROOFTOP FUNDRAISER LOOKING OVER THE WHITE HOUSE I WILL NOT RUIN MYSELF
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
I am sweating Crown. It all went wrong when the ratio hit 50-50
suburban family judging/laughing at us after Jenna just pulled two flasks out of her boot on the subway
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