This martini tastes like the bartender stirred it with his foreskin.
i rewarded my self with tacobell for not throwing up on any one. MISTAKE
Her brother is deaf.
no wonder she was so good with her hands
Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
i wore a power symbol belly button ring just so i can drunkenly tell him that he turns me on. i dont care if it works i think its classy
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
I saw a classic trojan enz laying on his desk. So he's probably not into the kinky shit.
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
22 is way too old to still be having "thank god I think I'm getting my period" days
Just saw a government minister puke and rally.
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban
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