i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
On a positive note, new entry in my phone as 'HOT ASS, DOWN TO FUCK'. idk if its a boy or girl tho.
Update, its a couple
My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
is it weird to think that girls born in '96 are now legal?
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
This is like a walk of shame down memory lane.
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
Randomize
