Dear everyone. As mark stated i did the 'piss n run' last night. This is all new to me and it scares me. Again, sorry. "if i could turn back time" -cher
so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
I'm going to pre plan my black out tonight. I think I'll set a change of clothes out on my bed and unplug the oven.
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
Such a good question, let's ask the alcohol gods for the answer.
I apparantly wanted to name her baby garbage
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
I just walked in on Joel doing a buck naked tripod headstand in front of the mirror so he could see the bug bite on his balls
Randomize
