On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you?
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
you're thinking of things to pack this weekend and you think Don King wig?
I wish they had an "I'm Stoned" genre on online Netflix
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
She makes margaritas with lemon-lime 5 hour energy..thats brilliant
and you were wondering how she got into Harvard
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
I think my teeth are moving, they feel like people.
Quick, I need a picture of your dick. Don't ask questions, just show me your genitals.
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
Her tits are so fantastic they gave him a panic attack.
hey im sorry i made fun of the color of your sheets, but like it was all i could focus on during sex because they were just THAT UGLY
I’ll call you in a minute. Trying to book an AirBnB so I can finally bang the yummy guy from yoga
Your downward dog is going to rock his cock. I’m jealous
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