What I dont get about To Catch a Predator is who the fuck still uses chat rooms?
I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
She was about to go down when you guys iced me. Thanks bro
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
we knew we'd be okay when we walked up to the dealers house and he asked us to please be quiet as to not wake his nana.
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
Thanks for setting a pic of your balls as my desktop background. You'll find you're cc'ed on the mass email of it.
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
Randomize
