i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
Sprained my ankle at sky zone REST ICE COMPRESSION ELEVATION AND SHOTS it'll all feel better soon
I cant believe they held hands while getting simultaneous bjs
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
the police report says i screamed sanctuary from a jungle gym at the playground when they caught up with us, obviously they disregarded international law.
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
the sex got boring after the first three hours
holy shit
Randomize
