hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
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