Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
All i learned in high school was how to sell drugs
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical
Dunno yet. Probably just gonna play the s.t.d. russian roulette game with random bartenders at the beach again. Same 'ol same 'ol
It's not socially acceptable to be drunk in adult world. That fact makes me die a little inside.
Also just throwing this out there I don't think anyone who brings another girl back to your bed to share with you can qualify as a frigid bitch
I feel like a sex bomb and I need to go explode on somebody
Appreciate the offer but I'm a huge fan of penis
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
I am now gainfully employed. Parents, lock up your children.
Yay! Welcome to the world of "you're seriously trusting me with your kid?"
Randomize
