I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
I woke up this morning to 7 word documents that all said "remember to be extremely angry at your jerk of a brother." What the hell did you do to me last night?
I love the moment a guy admits defeat against the front clasping bra.
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
while we were dancing I voluntarily took my bra off and hung it around his neck as a necklace. 2011 lets go
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
He's hitting it raw. Might as well stick his dick in a vat of SARS at this point.
it was good, but also weird. like, i came four times and then cried weird.
It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
I had to fake it. He was punching my vagina like it owed him money and enough was enough.
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
There's something about a foam party that makes freshman want to turn their lives into full blown shit shows. And I'm ok with the fact I am one of those.
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.”
Randomize
