i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
her facebook's as public as her vagina
Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
i think they forgot i was still in the room... she grabbed his balls and said "i feel a fire coming on".
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
So we were in bed when his brother walks in, walks over to me, fist bumps me and says he just wanted to say hi, then leaves...so random lmao
I feel a little uneasy about having my grandma sleep in my bed that I've banged chicks in not too long ago... Fuckin blizzards
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
i think i just lost a toe
So, anyways, aside from wanting to seduce my roommate for booze, how's everything been
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
Randomize