and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
At this point I just want to meet a man with a job.
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
That's what every 12 year old basketball team needs; a drunk and hungover lady eating KD whilst cheering them on. Highlight of their lives.
Are there any plans to where i might need to be dressed semi-nicely or is it a "pants optional" weekend?
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
Randomize
