She threw up in the hot tub how's your night
I fed him jelly beans while he fingered me. Win, win situation.
She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
I've never used poorer judgment in my life. It's mathematically possible that I impregnated 5 women in the past 24 hours since I won the lottery. But I couldn't be happier about it.
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
MY WHOLE FAMLY IS TALKING ABOUT MY BUTT
WAIT I'M COMING I WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT TOO
Pssh I just bang a girl in a single person tent. Thats like the back seat of a sedan.
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
Last night was great... In the "I got videotaped making out and getting a handjob on the couch in front of 100 people." kinda way.
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
Randomize
