Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
I think there was chlamydia in those woods.
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
They just showed up to the party with a shopping cart full stolen of naty ice cans, no boxes, just cans. Shit just got real !
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
Hypothetically speaking, at what point does fire become too much fire?
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
Anyhow. He gives me orgasms and cuddles and buys me dinner and alcohol. Ill keep him around and cross that other girl bridge when we get there ha ha
Randomize
