I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
im trying to make cookies in the george foreman
we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
Just saw all the pictures from the party. I'm wearing a different shirt in every single one.
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
Let's play, "guess how long my Neighbours have been watching me dance naked".
I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
Just had sex in the room next to my parents. Heading back to school ASAP.
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
Randomize
