And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
I decided they need a food cart that just roams around the library like the cotton candy people at the circus. But with real food. like tacos cause it sounds delicious.
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
she looks like one of those semi-pretty girls that turns into a 9 while she's riding your cock like she's trying to catch a train on horseback.
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
Fuck I am so excited for the first time I can make someone call me Doctor Nikki during sex after I finish my PhD
You know what's awkward? Being with your girlfriend and seeing her ex-boyfriend that she left for you while you've got a Ron Burgundy level awkward boner.
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
Randomize
