I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
there were no ball for pong so he bought cat toys..... they had bells in them
He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
this islike a room full of reasons why i should be in prison
We convinced the Dj to let us play musical chairs...... I won by the way.
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
It's after midnight. I didn't find the answer to my problem, but I did find the bottom of a bottle of vodka, so... there's that.
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
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