What I lack in compassion I make up for in lack of compassion
just came on the shower curtain. sorry housekeeping.
i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
terrible decisions. terrible terrible terrible decisions.
who'd you have sex with.
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
We can talk tomorrow when we're both alert. My mind is somewhere else right now.
Where's it at?
In your pants.
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
she came back from her house with A paper cut , a 2liter of sprite with Bacardi , and half a mustache . we're inviting her more ofte
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
So how often do you needs to see my tits today then?
Randomize
