careful when you do the walk of shame, they are handing out bibles on campus
how was the sex?
he smelled like pickles and burnt hair.
well, there's that.
Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
you wouldnt answer to anything but devil's advocate all night.
Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
It was literally the size of a half eaten tic tac.
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
Figured out why that fly won't leave. It keeps buzzing through my weed smoke
Fly high, Fly.
Is it bad that I recognize every dick in your dic pic collection?
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
Thanks for not letting me get involved with a serial killer. That's true friendship
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
Randomize
