Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
Like if god were to send me a cock shot, that's what it would look like.
i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
sweet sixteen by hillary duff just came on and i feel like i let lizzie mcguire down for being such a stoner
YO CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR MÉNAGE À TROIS. YOU GO, GLENN COCO
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
Thanks again for the coffee and orgasms
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
Randomize
