so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
Doctor just prescribed me 20mg Ritalin 3 times a day. It's becoming the "grain and oats" section of my food triangle.
It's okay. I've dumbed down my notes over the semester because I knew I wouldn't be up to understanding things come finals.
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
Just got back from a Walmart run. The music went straight from Kid Rock to John Phillip Souza. If that doesn't scream 'MURICA I don't know what will. Happy 4th!
Pro tip: When you spend the afternoon banging your boss, don’t meet your mother-in-law for dinner if you still smell like cum and watermelon flavored lube
Randomize
