I want to jerk off but my dog won't leave me alone. It's the most depressing cock block ever.
and pubic hair rears its ugly head again
Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
Odd question. Did you find a 20 in your boxers? I need it for gas.
It wasn't really sex. It was just rolling around, trying to make sure his dick didn't end up in my ass.
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
Reading becomes significantly more difficult when people are having crazy loud sex in an adjoining room
I had just gotten to his place and was about to get some dick. No way was I gonna let her negative attitude affect my orgasm feng shui
Wow you are like a taller more attractive sex Yoda.
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