we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.
Your sister thinks she pees out of her clit. Did you have Sex Ed or Sunday School growing up?
My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
I don't know how many crown and cokes he went through but I know it was more that I have fingers. We are never leaving Texas.
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
I've got a whole match.com system. Triple book. First dates always get the 6pm happy hour drinks slot. 8pm dinner goes to a girl where I think I can close the deal. 10pm slot goes to the sure thing in case of emergency, but 6 can always trump 8 and 8 always trumps 10. Just blame it on a dead iPhone battery.
That, my friend, is how I bang 50 new girls a year. Not luck at all. It's science and statistics.
Saw you fall down on Jefferson and a cop drove by and shook his head. How you didnt get arrested after the party you went to on saturday is beyond me.
please come upstairs a drunk asian is lying down n the middle of my room and i don't know him
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
I'm sure I'll run in to him again, there's only so many VA detoxes.
I never thought in a million years that I would have a threesome with my boss and his wife and yet here we are.
Randomize
