party is dying down. we just wrote whore in the yard with gas. Photos to come.
i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
I just put on my hot pinky lace thong... you know what that means! ;)
Oh god. Slutty you is on the run. Someone needs to alert the city.
just used a paint mixing cup as a shot glass. thank u art school.
For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
MY WHOLE FAMLY IS TALKING ABOUT MY BUTT
WAIT I'M COMING I WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT TOO
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
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