at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
winter break is gonna be like a weird mixture of rehab fat camp and holiday cheer.
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
It was everywhere, it looked like he just took the leftovers and threw them around the bathroom... Festively...
So squirting runs in the family.
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
I have a rage boner right now. An actual erection brought on by the amount of sheer hatred I have towards nationwide.
She was two things I dont understand: tall and Christian
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
G&T. Gin and tonic. GIN AND TONIC. GIN AND TONIC AND FUCKING LIME
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
Randomize
