How did you manage that?
Told her it wasn't GENITAL herpes... just ORAL herpes... on my penis
lol... jersey girls rock
I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
Even DaVinci knew it was gay to draw the penis big. Thanks art history
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
Thursday nights need to stop happening to me.
He gave up on mugging us when Dave wouldn't stop laughing. He was wiggling his finger at the knife and making baby noises and giggling. The guy just walked away.
Just the amount of girls he locked himself in my room woth says your gonna have to take a cab bro. I don't think he's going anywhere
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
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