We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
I was getting sick from all the peanut butter I had to lick off
Stop bitching. YOU SHOULD FEEL BLESSED TO HAVE LICKED PEANUT BUTTER OFF OF THESE TOTTERS
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
Y'all best leave this "I can only have a couple drinks" shit at the door. U don't drive to Yukon to have a shot. I'm getting u fuckers drunk.
Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
We should form a club for all of us that have stabbed a sibling with a fork!
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