alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
at the resort hottubing with french twins, who brought champange. this should be a postcard.
he had his head down and said he was listening for the buffalo, he had to still be drunk.
The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
so according the 72 facebook statuses i put up last night that i don't recall, i would say it was a success. how about you?
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
2 girls slept in my bed with me. 3 more girls slept on a mattress on my floor. The furthest I got was cuddling. Here's my man card.
You can not love someone based on who they were when they were 9. Does he know how many dicks I've sucked since then?
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
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