At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
i threw up in a box in my own lap driving today.
Just stop talking to douche bags. How do you manage to attract every asshole within a 100 mile radius?
If i could answer that i wouldn't be so afraid to move to a more populated area
he was cumming and all I could think about was the pathway of sperm the in penis. thanks a lot nursing
I can't. I think his penis is about to take out a restraining order against me.
By the way seagulls wings are very soft. And the lesbian and or by sexual twins say hello. Be home in the little bit time frame.
He used the panoramic camera on his iPhone to take a picture of his dick. And it actually filled it. Pretty sure I just came.
I mean I want to go somewhere. I just don't want to put on pants or behave.
I just traded a couple nudes for pizza delivery. Call me lazy, easy, or an entrepreneur, but either way I'll have dominoes in 15 minutes.
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
I just got a snapchat of a flaccid penis with the caption "happy belated valentine's day." What did I do to deserve this
i texted "amiibo vore" to my insurance agent instead of someone else. do you think they'll raise my rates out of disgust?
Randomize
