Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
Its Shannon Doherty lazy not Forest Whittaker lazy
How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
speaking of graduation plans, i'm blacked out eating sausage
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
Im just using you for your dick and your superb survival skills if needed.
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
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