dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
I think it's a friendship ring and the other part is on his cats collar
Was just told that I was slipped 2 hits of acid in my in flight drink before takeoff. 8 hours to Germany wish me luck
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
Well there is another shower in Nov. So I have three months to figure out how to get some drunk space fucking. May need some of your mead
If you two are having sex, stop. I have something really important to ask you about psychics.
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
You were silly, high, and chewing on things.
The orgasm I got from him made me feel almost as good as I imagine the girls in the tampon commercials feel.
Do you know why I slept in the yard last night?
You said you watched the lion king stoned and had to do it for simba.
Pride rock will get you every time.
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
Randomize
