he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
miscarriage! now THATS a gift from god.
Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
he passed out on the stove with a cup in his hand. yes the pictures are hilarious
it was literally the size of a crayloa marker. i didnt know what to do with it so i just sat there
She is larger then a hippo. You could cut her open in the middle of a blizzard and crawl in like Luke skywalker. Throw a couch and a tv in there and you're set
Apparently I'm ahead in the foot race to his dick because I'm not insane. If I'd have known that's all it took, I'd have worn sweat pants more often.
I asked what you thought of her and you replied not the biggest I have had
Bless her heart. Her stupid, drunk, adderall-ed heart.
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
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