She'll never know what hit her
I dunno. Girls tend to recognize ball-to-chin contact.
are you wasted or are you getting laid?
ebdebdebdebd
wow
We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
then mid-sex he looked at me and said "i hope this is as good for you as it is for me" and kept going.
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
He makes balloon animals that get you high? Hell yeah invite him over!
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
Randomize
