Hard rock hotel, wtf why am i still out, im gonna fuk 5 chix 2nite .maybe
His was the first dick to ever be in my mouth... Of course I'm going to the wedding.
I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
We're playing a drinking game to 'how to train your dragon'. has it really come to this?
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
Finally considering to keep my landing strip before I have sex.. I feel like It makes me look mature.
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
Randomize
