This martini tastes like the bartender stirred it with his foreskin.
You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
I call it my summer of slut; except summer lasts from May until December. It's been incredibly successful
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
I got about 15 snapchats from you with your hand saying "you want cheese sticks" or something like that and one of some weird looking weed
Just thought you should know I'm having a reunion tour of Athens this weekend. Minus the weird guy I was fucking last time.
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
He said he wanted to sit next to the fountain so he could "watch the water hit the other water".
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
ditto.
about cumming, not toast
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
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