He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
I threw up into my coffee this morning.
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
Does it count as working out if stops are taken every half hour to smoke a blunt?
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
Ok. As long as I can keep Kevin contained to the room I'll be ok. If not u might have a naked puking Kevin at ur door
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
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