i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
I think I just made patron unclassy I bought limes at a gas station and for salt we are using gas station packets of salt
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
Well I blew a guy I barely know in full view of a homeless camp. That's pretty tame for me.
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
You were making out w/ur brothers coach against a door when someone opened it and you both fell through... Then you continued to make out on the ground
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
I feel so accomplished. I've cleaned my room, done laundry, called those places, gotten jobs, and masturbated.
I'm so proud of you.
I wish I got tanner on friday but I feel like I spent most of my time puking in the bathroom. I love my life
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