i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
you made sure to tell everyone that the amount of people you had slept with was actually quite low, especially when the size of your breasts was taken into account
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
If this week is any indication of my life here I've got to get out ASAP. My liver can't hack it.
Keep your head up. His game is good, and you should be honoured to be a notch on his wall. If it makes you feel better, if it wasn't you, it was going to be me.
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
She's passed out laying in the middle of the street. Cars are honking at her and going around her body. We need to stop playing BONECRUSHER.
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
Shes the whorey leader of that wolf pack, and all the less whorey wolves report back to her. She teaches them the ways
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