Wow senior week shows you new things about yourself
Is this the I'm gay speech?
and technically it was a rebound
so lol
and then you got rebounded for the same girl he rebounded you for and still never scored ... it was like watching an LA Clippers game
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
We have a drunken confused pantless man in our apt. Boots.
I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
Randomize
