Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
Even the bartender felt bad for me
her cat was choking so she kept trying to stick her finger in her cat's mouth while saying "it's okay kitty, just do what mommy does"
We had to go visit his dealer in the hospital to buy some weed.
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
"You can go raw dog up in me". Exact words. I can't decide whether to run, or fuck. Help.
It's the warm chocolate goeyness of a brownie combined with the heavenly taste of weed-smell... Why have I never done this before?
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
I am cleaning melted cheese out of my hair. This is a new experience for me
Randomize
