The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
There's a man in a pair of gray footie pajamas and a paper crown watching the kids at the playground. It was easier to tell who was a pedophile before Where the Wild Things Are came out.
Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
I just saw a guy in the gym riding the bicycle while watching baseball and dipping.
We sat on the porch laughing about hilarious the sunrise was. And that we can do drugs again in the morning, thank god
I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
Dick very happy bro
I was literally so lonely last night that I stopped watching a video on porn hub and just read the comments
I’m not saying you’re wrong, I’m just saying he’s denying what you’re saying.
Randomize
