next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
And that's when he stuck his finger up his own ass to prove it would feel good...
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
I was just expressing concern for your pickle consumption.
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
WHY AM I THE ONLY ONE CONCERNED ABOUT THE SEAGULL IN THE OVEN
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
i am rolling on molly so fucking hard i want to do 300 cartwheels
You're gonna be sprawled out basking in the sun working on your tan like a ridiculously hot iguana, and I'm gonna be here bundled up in about 72 layers just so I don't freeze my dick off looking like the Michelin man's gay cousin
i apologize, I may have called you an iguana
Mistakes were made
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
I have to stop at Sheetz to put my bra back on before I meet you hold on
The cl.oudds are foaming a really big pen.Is OMG.
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