so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
He kissed a someone with a penis
yes we were fucking thats why i put "watching a movie" in quotations
Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
I gotta say, I do way better with the ladies than I do the men. So if it turns out being gay is a choice, then I'm going to go ahead and choose it.
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
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