WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
It's amazing the difference a day and 2000 mg of antibiotic make. Nine days to go.
Joe decreed the livingroom and the hallway up to the burn mark his kingdom. I think this is the point of 'stage an intervention'
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
Doap. Just bring some lube and a slingshot. Not sure y we need the slingshot.
Want to FaceTime and watch me finish this bagel?
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
leave me alone I'm becoming one with nature and doing plant things
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
Randomize
