I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
Dude we got so high last night. I said "watch this" threw a goldfish cracker in the toilet, and laughed my ass off. We watched the dvd menu for 30 minutes too.
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
Nothing on google about my condom issue. However, if you get a chance google: condom with teeth.
he walked down the highway for 3 miles at 4 am, and got me coffee on the way. i dont think a blow job would have been enough.
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.
Okay I take that back some girl just said pussy sweat. Get me outta here
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
i got home safe but then alex started a fire so now we're at the hospital
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
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