whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
He dumped me and I don't wanna fuck his best friend for revenge. Is this what maturity feels like?
My mom would probably be ok with my lifestyle as long as she doesn't see that photo of me doing bong rips in a Jesus costume.
Februarys looking very promising in the vaginal department
if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
I REPEAT.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
She knew the head wasn't all that so she gave me her taco. I'm will in to give her a second chance.
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
Randomize
